Paris Log

12/29/00 just bought two naked lady calendars. one for eric, haven't chosen the recipient of the second. figured someone would want one... hell, they're naked women. appropriately titled "women 2001". hit the catacombs, saw ~6 million dead people. very disturbing. lots of signs reminding you that you're going to die. morbid. arrived in paris yesterday morning after an uneventful flight. hit on a hot chick but she had a boyfriend. DAMN IT!!! meandered aroudn paris for three hours trying to find the aapt. apparently, there's three streets with the word "poissoniere" in them. no wonder this country isn't a world power. so now we're in a restaurant called "pizza pizza milano" with two friends, pierre and valerie. thinking about the cajun pizza. gotta get a bottle of chianti.
12/30/00 okay, this is a nice pen. of course i dropped 340 francs on it (~$50US). matt smells BAD!! it's very early morning, on the 30th, i'm a little toasty after 3 guinesses. not that i'm not too proficient at pluralizing right now. went to the lizard lounge on rue de bourg-tiborg off of rue du rivoli. matt would like to note that there were lots of hotties at the bar. ryan and i spent most of the night talking to helene (devin's friend). ryan just told me how to real situps. apparently it looks something like this: the trainer told him you shouldn't be able to do more than 20 without being in extreme pain. matt is a pain in my ass. his and monique's pansy-ass's want to be at the louvre at 9am. FUCK THAT!!! i love my calendar o' hotties. mmm... nipples. anywho, dinner at PPM was excellent. had cajun pizza. tasty. two bottles of chianti. set me back a couple of francs, but that's all right. turns out, JED (president of has a penchant for throwing shot glasses on the floor. familiar, indeed. and some people are too cheap to take the metro. damn, it's cold out. saw lots of hotties in paris. if they only understood the language of love (C++)! monique made us leave the bar early (note to self: plot revenge). TWINGO's are all over the fucking place!! i think i'll try to get a smart-car imported to the US twingo picture SMALL-ASS CAR!! my scirocco is 12.5' long! on page 181 of count of monte cristo. most of plot is wrapped up in 125 pages. going to bed...

11:00am update
i've forgotten how boring art can be. the lovre bored me last time, so i dn't know why i thought it would be different. saw the mona lisa... again. saw the venus de milo.... again. same statue, different group of chinese people jumping in my camera shots. the venus de milo looks like all the other statues but no arms. people don't seem to understand the term "no flash photography". if it weren't for all the hotties, i'd say the louvre is REALLY boring. they say if you spend 10 seconds in front of every piece of art, it would take four days to make it thru. lots of jesus paintings. apparetly it doesn't snow too often around here. the last big snowfall was in '86. the sienne is controlled before paris so it never floods. a hurricane blew down about a third of the trees in versailles, including the marie antoinette tree, given to france by the US. i'm just waiting til noon when i meet up with ryan, matt, and monique. think i'll read for awhile

found monique and ryan. we're going to check out the french crow jewels... again. very gawdy. we're going to find hammurabi's code and the oldest object in the museum. monique checking out shoes

the oldest thing in the museum is a little clay (maybe ivory) statue that's about an inch and a half tall. a little figurine of a woman that's about 8000 years old. supposed importance from mesopotamia showing use of tools. still questing for hammurabi's code...


old stuff makes ryan horny. monique likes young stuff. hammurabi's code is probably ALGOL but matt thinks it's Fortran. a fracture runs thru the stone that the code is written on. hammurabi's code is the first written law of any civilization that we know of. so you could say that someone "broke" hammurabi's code. HAHAHAHA!!!! i'm too funny. cool furniture site:

1:10pm update
okay we're eating at crepes a tojite heure (crepes of the something hour). i got aux trois fromages (three cheeses?). it tastes like a shoe. i forgot i hate gruyere.

3:45pm update
i am beat!!! called parents to inform them of trip update. will try to get ahold of stef in wurzburg for skiing in switzerland. we're going clubbing later and all i brought was sneakers so monique made me buy shoes. apparently, she has a problem with conservative selection in shoes. people (isabelle and vincent) are coming over for dinner. wait, no, we're meeting them for drinks somewhere.

that bitchweed ryan made spaghetti for us. i hate waking up. so much nicer to sleep

waiting for the train tram to take us to isabelle's (a supposed hottie). note to self: sitting across from a hottie on the RER... i think she's ignoring me. apparently, not being the US all, speed stick isn't sold over here. i was tired of using matt's old spice, so i got some brut, one of two kinds of deodorant sold in france. i could just rub some smiling cow cheese in my pits, i suppose. i smell like a damn cologne factory. don't thikn i'll be picking up any hottie's tonight. i think we're lost on the RER. update: nope, not lost but the metro system is kinda weird.

we're completely lost in the hood-ish suburbs of paris. at this time of night the trains come around once per hour. isabelle is coming to pick us up instead of waiting for the train.

people talking french for the past 20 minutes. i have NO idea what they're talking about. how rude...

getting pretty drunk at isabelle's. lots of champagne and vin. they finally started speaking some english so it's all good. we're spending the night because we're ~40 minutes outside of paris.

REVELATION: when i talk fast, no one understands, but when i speak slow enough for people to understand me, it sounds as though i'm patronizing them. vincent thinks my questions are appalling!!

we're trying to figure out how to get back to paris. isabelle insisted despite our requests to call a taxi. isabelle's a hottie. i have no clue where we are, but ryan is navigating... that's good. tonight is new years eve. we're going to some party in paris, with vincent and isabelle.

going to bed!!!!

as i've said before, waking up is a pain in the ass. dreamt that was having a meeting here and was pissed that i was sleeping when the client showed up. matt is currently wandering aroudn paris. he didn't take the keys and doesn't have ryan's cell number or even a phone card so he's screwed if we're not here when he gets back. we may go to the hard rock cafe today to talk to mathis (devin and helene's friend) who is also the manager. the aforementioned party with vincent and isabelle will be all french speaking people which means matt and i will end up talking computers all night. maybe mathias will know some good parties with some english speakers. kind of a dilemma because vincent and isabelle are good friends of monique that she doesn't get to see very often.

matt being a ho. his insubordination and lack of respect for authority has reached an all-time high. he will be keel-hauled on the morrow. ryan is also being a ho-nugget.

matt and i are going to look at churches

i'm currently standing in notre dame. though i'm not a religious man, i cannot help but feel some sort of preternatural force. but that fore may not be good as it is more likely to be that of man's overwhelming ambition to control by the use of fear and the uncertainty of the future.

finished eating dinner of spaghetti and more bread. i didn't eat any spaghetti... just bread and smiley-cow cheese. after notr dame, matt and i wandered about paris for a while looking for some cool shit to do. damn french people wouldn't get the fuck out of my way. have to go get ready for the party. everyone needs a bottle of wine and 50 francs to get in. we'll see about that. i'll try diplomatic immunity because the US IS RUNNING THE SHOW, YOU LOUSY FRENCH PEOPLE!!!

this is turning out to be rather interesting, as.... &lamp;writing faint&ramp;
bon soir == barn swallow
my pen is failing
french girls are players. they know they're hot and... &lamp;pen failing again&ramp;

my pen kept dying at the party so i will discuss now. french women are evil. they love playing games. some chick named beevee or some shit like that. no more notes... tired...

just woke up with a raging headache and an empty stomach. i finally started exacting my revenege on some of the evil women that keep plaguing my life.

we're sitting in a fondue restaurant called Latin Saint Jack. it's a wee expensive but not too bad. we're here with hottie isabelle, vincent, pierre, and valerie. i don't like calling fondue 'fondue' so i call it cheese stuff. it has gruyere in it so it may taste like a shoe again. i slept til 6pm. will have trouble falling asleep tonight. i'll get a lot read in the count of monte cristo. matt tried to eat some soup around 3 but then puked it all up about 10 minutes later. made a hell of a racket. by my calculations, the three of us have traveled 30,000+ miles together. i'm so thirsty that i just polished off two cokes in about 10 minutes. we leave wednesday morning around 3am for switzerland in my first skiing adventure. the first time i will ever downhill ski will be in the swiss alps. matt is double-fisting pellegrino. the most hardcore pellegrino drinker ever. ryan was bouncing around on the seat nexst to the jacket which consequently fell off the bench, taking the lamp with it.

we tried to steal a lamp from another table because our was broken but got immediately bitched out by the help. they fixed ours instad. when i asked for my fourth coke, the waitress rolled her eyes at me. nevertheless, my coke showed up several moments later. fondue was good but pretty messy. the aforementioned four guests ordered a regular sized thing of fondue (1 serving), but got charged 89 EACH. goddamn! so their fondue costs:
89 * 4 = 356 francs
356 francs / 7 francs per dollar = $50.85US
$51 for one plate on fondue!!

isabelle ordered some big-ass chocolate mousse dessert. we all had a good laugh about the size. it's a bowl fit for a big-ass dog. everything was going well until a spoon was discovered at the bottom of the bowl that didn't belong to any of us. a replacement is on the wy. as an aside:
people speaking french again. VERY ANNOYING!!

as expected, i have been unable to fall asleep. i have almost completed the count of monte cristo with about 100 pages left. i am easily distracted so reading goes very slowly for me. about 25 to 33 pages per hour.

the sun is barely up now. in fact, th sky remains the gray it was two days ago when i last saw it. having slept for 12 hours yesterday and gone out after sunset last night it feels as though i've losta a day. matt has related to me that nothing seems to get done in this city. it seems like people only go shopping and to restaurants. i would KILL for some ron's steak house (mcdonald's) right now.

just finished count of monte cristo. read half the damn book in one night. half hour til ron's steak house!

just did laundry in the sink for the first time. going to RON'S!!!!!!!!

okay, new ink in the pen. we've lost matt. ryan and i are wandering around napoleon's tomb and matt disappeared. no idea where he is. we're leaving for switzerland tonight ~8 when we get a car. the french train people are on strike so monique is stuck in strasbourg. the french revolution was really fucked up. paris was in chaos for about 6 years! FRANCE SUCKS!! we tried to get back in napoleon's tomb to look for matt, but the assholes running the show insist one entry per ticket. like ANYONE cares that much about napoleon to try to rip off the fucking french gov't of $6!! and what's up with that? $6 to see napoleon?!?!?! he's dead!! it's not like the body requires maintenance!! and the place is marble so it's easy to clean. they're probably saving up to buy a tank to invade the US with. it certainly isn't to pay the geniuses working the door. then, we were sitting on a low wall waiting for matt and the fuzz starts bitching. i guess we look like shady characters. THIS COUNTRY BLOWS!!! matt has returned.

okay we rented a ford focus for some dumbass reason. doesn't compare to the audi a4 of last year. we have to be in switzerland by 3pm tomorrow. not a problem. i can't really see so my writing is very sloppy. received word from woody that the mp3 server is fucked. i'll kick that lovebug virus guys ass next time i see him. okay, we're lost trying to get out of paris. looking for A86... what a backwards country. NOT A WORLD POWER!!


still lost in paris. drove 1 hour east and ended up on the west side of paris. weird. accidentally saw the arc de triumphe.

still in paris. apparently, A4 is really busy around midnight in the middle of the week. paris is officially off my list as a civilized city. A6 is closed. A6 is a major highway around paris. some parisians started getting rude with us, so i did a little elbow tapping and they shut up. the must understand the power of the people's elbow. ryan is getting kinda pissed. we are now convinced that paris has been relocated to poland.

...driving thru dijon, france. contrary to popular belief, the streets are NOT made of mustard.

we made it to switzerland fine... around 9am. cost us ~$40 to get into switzerland. we're staying at the hirschen hotel in wengen, switzerland. it's a ski resort in the alps with an incredible view. my first time skiing will be in the alps. this place is only accessible in mountainside train. the elevation here is 4180 feet. the highest point is jung fraujoch at 13,642 feet, accessible by train. there's a restaurant up there if you're hungry. our hotel room wasn't ready so we're sitting in a cafe drinking $4US cokes and bitching about various topics. shit is REALLY expensive here. but people live here year round. working on crossword puzzle to kill time.

we managed to kill three hours talking to locals and working on a crossword puzzle. the receipts are nothing more than a pad with letterhead and hand-written prices.
price for meal:
4 cokes @ 4 francs each = 16
1 sandwich = 6.50
total = 22.5 francs (approx $15US)

took a shower when we got the room and started to take a nap aroudn 4pm. i think they tried to wake me up around 6 for dinner but i didn't get up. i woke up around 12:30am and now i can't sleep. so i'll lie here til 7 or 8 when we start skiing. guess i'll read for awhile. finished count of monte cristo. now reading the last continent by terry pratchett.

my sleeping schedule is screwed. i've been up all night. i don't know what convinced me that i could sleep from 4pm to 8am. 16 hours in a damn row. c'est difficile!!

5:34pm - post skiing
okay, i think i broke my thumb skiing so writing is a little weird. the first run took about an hour. the second and subsequent runs took about 15 minutes, except for the last in wihch i became hesistant. i'm sooooo sore. no more sking for right now. ryan wants someone to feel his balls. skiing is pretty cool but i need to do it more. at one point, i wrecked and in the fall i managed to lose both skis and both poles. i just laid there laughing like an idiot. my hips are killing me. best thing to do when you wreck is to stay still as everyone else will ski around you. i managed to wipe out two trail posts in one fall. matt looks like a james bond russian in his ww2 era, english army issue, double breasted, green wool overcoat. definitely the most recognizable person on the slope.

not able to write well because of the thumb so i don't writen often. france is one RUDE-ASS country. all raods have one of three names: A4, A6, or E60. and they're not even labeled! back roads in france are a bitch because the gov't is too busy figuring out how to mess with the US than to put up road signs. of course, maybe that's how they're messing with the US. took us 9 hours to get to paris from wengen (another ass-backwards country). took us an hour and a half to FIND de gaulle airport to drop off the car. then another 95 minutes to navigate the airport (another well-documented location in paris). and of course, all of the signs are in french, like the louvre. don't they know that we're running the show? then some jack-ass in the last line for theRER was arguing with the booth lady for 15 minutes, thus stopping the six people behind him from buying tickets for the last RER train to paris. matt, me, and some cute chick from poland decided to jump the turnstile instead. i didnt' ski today because my general person is extremely sore. and my thumb is twice it's normal size. the only thing worse than screaming kids is screaming kids that are screaming in french. foudn out our ford focus will do about 110mpd (it's a diesel). more tomorrow.